Dear Justin Bieber,
Today I was attacked by a rabid thirteen-year-old girl who was screaming my name,
Justin, through her braced chompers.
She caught me unaware so I had no choice but to defend myself by grabbing her by
her pigtails and giving her a quick and decisive Judo chop to the neck. Just as I was about
to deliver the coup de grace, I suddenly realized why this keeps happening to me on
an almost daily basis…your fans keep mistaking me for you!
Of course it’s understandable. Both of our names are Justin and we’re both musicians!
What a small world.
Then I realized in a sudden moment of horror – you must be having this exact same
problem…although I’m sure on a much more regular basis. For this I sincerely apologize.
To think that masses of my fans are swarming you just because they think you’re me
is well…actually…pretty good for you (now that I think of it) since I’m sure you can use
some publicity right now.
And I wanted to also let you know that for future instances, my last name is spelled “C-
A-L-D-W-E-L-L.” You can just sign it as “J. Caldwell” if you want. You don’t have to worry
about writing out the first name, so long as it’s consistent.
P.S. There are some things you should say “never” about. You’ll learn.Continue Reading »
In need of a great birthday party idea? I just happen to have one. I even tested it out for you recently in celebration of my 30th. It passed muster and held water…or in this case, displaced it to create the perfect party buoyancy. Step 1: Find lake Step 2: Rent large boat on lake Step […]Read More »
After a long but immensely enjoyable night playing a show with the band, we like to hang out while enjoying some fine adult beverages. These post-show moments are often when I come up with my best stuff, such as The Ballad of Jebediah Washington. Lead singer: Rich Brinsfield (my bassist). Recorded this vocal in one […]Read More »
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On tour, I run into a lot of windows. Airplanes, cars, hotels, bars. Windows provide me with a view from my temporary home away from home. As long as I stay in motion, I’ll be adding new pics to the “Windows” gallery on my website.Read More »