Letters To Rock Stars, Part V

Tuesday, August 28th, 2012
Letters To Rock Stars, Part V

Dear Justin Bieber,

Today I was attacked by a rabid thirteen-year-old girl who was screaming my name,
Justin, through her braced chompers.

She caught me unaware so I had no choice but to defend myself by grabbing her by
her pigtails and giving her a quick and decisive Judo chop to the neck. Just as I was about
to deliver the coup de grace, I suddenly realized why this keeps happening to me on
an almost daily basis…your fans keep mistaking me for you!

Of course it’s understandable. Both of our names are Justin and we’re both musicians!
What a small world.

Then I realized in a sudden moment of horror – you must be having this exact same
problem…although I’m sure on a much more regular basis. For this I sincerely apologize.
To think that masses of my fans are swarming you just because they think you’re me
is well…actually…pretty good for you (now that I think of it) since I’m sure you can use
some publicity right now.

And I wanted to also let you know that for future instances, my last name is spelled “C-
A-L-D-W-E-L-L.” You can just sign it as “J. Caldwell” if you want. You don’t have to worry
about writing out the first name, so long as it’s consistent.

J. Caldwell

P.S. There are some things you should say “never” about. You’ll learn.

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In Need Of A Great Birthday Party Idea?

Sunday, August 26th, 2012

In need of a great birthday party idea?  I just happen to have one. I even tested it out for you recently in celebration of my 30th. It passed muster and held water…or in this case, displaced it to create the perfect party buoyancy. Step 1: Find lake Step 2: Rent large boat on lake Step […]

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The Ballad of Jebediah Washington (aka “Horses”)

Tuesday, June 12th, 2012

  After a long but immensely enjoyable night playing a show with the band, we like to hang out while enjoying some fine adult beverages. These post-show moments are often when I come up with my best stuff, such as The Ballad of Jebediah Washington. Lead singer: Rich Brinsfield (my bassist). Recorded this vocal in one […]

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How to Write a Song

Thursday, May 31st, 2012
How to Write a Song

People always ask, “What comes first when writing a song; the lyrics or the music?” And my answer is …“Yes”. I imagine it’s the same for many songwriters, though I should only speak for myself. I suffer from Muchneed Stimulousis, and the prescription is variety.  I need to have 12 different ways to approach a […]

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Commonalities Amongst Mountain Men

Thursday, May 24th, 2012

Apparently, John Mayer and I have a couple of things in common. One, we’re both drawn to remote places to write and make music. Turns out he’s been in the wilds of Montana for a couple of years, living life like Christopher McCandless (at least that’s kind of what I envision). When I go out […]

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Saturday, May 19th, 2012

I’m not famous. However, I would debate that what I have is much better. Mini Fame. Mini fame is the reality of many independent artists, and the results are quite exciting. Screw being recognizable everywhere you go. It’s way more fun to have no idea what your fame status is from one city to the […]

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Monday, May 14th, 2012

I recently had my first sale in Denmark…I mean Germany. I thought it was Denmark, because I saw the country code “DE”. Quickly assuming it wasn’t the country of Dibbi-fubbi-Ezzaria, namely because there is no such country named that, I then surmised it must be Denmark. Only later did I find out that “DE” is actually […]

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Letters to Rock Stars, Part IV

Thursday, May 10th, 2012

It’s that time again. That time about once every couple weeks when constantly hashing out lyrics causes words and phrases to fire aimlessly throughout my brain, like a fat ADD kid in a wind tunnel of candy corn. In that moment I must change gears or risk swallowing my brain tongue (the metaphysical choking on the […]

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Eleonore’s Stuck, Listen & Download

Saturday, May 5th, 2012

This track was written early one morning amidst my friend Eleonore getting her car stuck on a rock. The night before, whiskey was had and we all slept on couches. Eleonore got up before everyone and promptly drove her Honda atop a rock in my yard. AAA yanked her down. Rich Brinsfield leads the song […]

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Windows: What I See When I Look Out

Sunday, April 29th, 2012

On tour, I run into a lot of windows.  Airplanes, cars, hotels, bars.  Windows provide me with a view from my temporary home away from home.  As long as I stay in motion, I’ll be adding new pics to the “Windows” gallery on my website.

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